(Actor Tom Hanks gets his picture on the wall at Sardi’s).

Restaurants with the pictures of famous people on the wall are common in places where famous people deign to congregate. Chicago has them; New York, of course. I was once treated to a dinner at the legendary Sardi’s, and was fascinated by the caricatures of the past luminaries of the Great White Way.

They do it down here in Washington, too. But the faces are different. We don’t do anything down here except weird power, in one degree or another. The famous Occidental Restaurant next to the Willard Intercontinental Hotel has a brass plaque marking the table where a nuclear war was averted; on the walls all around are military and Government figures from other eras, with the odd foreign dignitary or King for a little diversity. There is The Palm, of course, and even Ben’s Chili Bowl on U Street had Bill Cosby on the wall for years and years.

But where we were heading, Jake, Buzz, Russell and me were headed for lunch might be the restaurant with the most naked power on the walls. Well, you know the Occidental has portraits of the current President on the wall, in deference to the fact that President Grant used to like to have his whiskey in the Round Robin in the Willard next door.

You can never tell who might drop by.

I had known about the place we were going and walked by it frequently when I worked on The Hill, but I was getting paid as a Commander, and knew that the places the lobbyist and movers-and-shakers was way out of my league. The number of people who work in Congress has mushroomed over the last century- there were only a couple hundred staffers in 1900, but now there are thousands.

They need places to park. Accordingly, most of the businesses in immediate proximity to the Capitol were torn down long ago for other purposes. There is only one real business between the Senate-side of the Hill over in the direction of Union Station. Some say the Congress owns the property, which makes it the equivalent of the Congressional Officer’s Club.

The Monocle.

The Washington Post, the rag I love to hate, described the place this way: “Since 1960, this old smoothie has been counseling decision-makers both Democrat and Republican in the wisdom of the saying, “An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.” The Congressional Record may not show it, but intentions are spoken here, alliances formed, and deals sealed.”

That maxim is stenciled over one of the beams in the dining room.

We had an early reservation since the morning schedule had started early and would conclude with the luncheon. We were ushered in and seated at an inoffensive table next to the wall of currently influential politicians. At the Occidental, the towering walls still have Speaker Cannon displayed. The Monocle is more discerning in the allocation of scares space. It was mostly Chairmen on these walls.

(The dining room, looking back toward our table near the front. The Committee Chairmen are on the wall to the right, the beams at the top bear maxims for the Congressional class).

The beams feature other maxims, not of life, but of political life. They were so surreal that they mesmerized me. This one was above our table:

“If you can’t feel things you can’t see or hear, you don’t belong here.”

The service was solicitous, as you would expect, since they can’t tell by eye who might be influential, if not famous. Buzz got the salmon and iced tea; Jake had the salmon BLT and the same. Russell went for the flatiron steak and green tea, well done, the steak not the tea. I was pretty confident I would never be back, and ordered the same but with a glass of insouciant Chardonnay.

What the hell.

The place filled up to jammed while we sat. Camped out in a corner since before our arrival was one of Tom Wolf’s social X-ray power ladies, using her table as an office. Some very distinguished people filled the tables around us. I could feel influence as palpable as a spike in the barometric pressure.

Bucket list? You bet. What a great lunch. By the end, I was prepared to entertain a Great Compromise with just about anyone, just so long as I could still take the bacon back home.

Oh, the food was good, too.

Happy Easter!

Copyright 2016 Vic Socotra
www.vicsocotra.com

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