Life & Island Times: All My Friends Are Dead Or Dying

Editor’s Note: I love the way Marlow thinks.

– Vic


I saw and quickly read the short satirical children’s book for adults at a Beaufort SC book store this week. All My Friends Are Dead was a dark humor version of the short, sweet children’s books that were popular 20 years ago. Thus amused, the following resulted.

“Shaun of the Living Dead” zombies from the hilarious movie by the same name

An aging me: “All my friends are dead or dying. That’s why I wear black a lot. It saves time, which is in short supply these days.”

The departed ones, who look down on those of us who are still living, thinking: “Jerks.”

Mastodon: “All my friends are long dead.”

The bulging yogurt cup in my fridge: “All my friends expired last month.”

The worm in my garden: “All my friends are eating all your friends who are dead.”

Jihadist leader to suicide vest bomber: “Remember to say Allahu Akbar before you press the button.”

Sasquatch: “All my friends are make believe.”

Republicans in Congress to The Donald: “I wish Twitter was dead.”

Chicken: “All my friends were loved at Popeyes.”

Sheep: “All my friends are followers.”

Democratic Party emblem: “All my friends are asses. But so are the Republicans.”

Ransomware pop up: “All your files are dead.”

My 78 RPM records: “All my friends are silent if not dead.”

Creepy clown: “I fill you with dread.”

Deadheads: “Our leader is dead.”

Dead Kennedies: “Our gig is dead.”

Tootsie Pop: “All my friends are suckers.”

Snare drum: “All my friends are beat.”

Windows 2.0: “All my screens are frozen dead.”

Grim Reaper: “All your dead are belong to me.”

Subway Sandwich shop: “All my friends are bread.”

Bernie Madoff: “All my friends are dead broke.”

Lemmings: All my friends went over the cliff.”

The Redeemer: “I am the risen dead.”

Francisco Franco: “I am still not dead.”

Global Warming to us: “You’ll all be dead, give or take 3000 years.”

Librarian: “All my friends are dying — in alphabetical order.”

Caesar: “Latin is dead.”

Taxes to Death: “We are life’s only dead certainties.”

Wise man: “Without experience and smarts, you will be soon be dead.”

Black holes: “Cross me and you will be dead.”

Wilbur the pig: “Charlotte’s web kept me from the dead.”

Fukuyama” “History is dead.”

Smart phone apps: “The Web is dead. Long live the internet.”

Zombie: “All my friends are the living dead.”

Copyright © 2017 From My Isle Seat

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