{"id":9007,"date":"2014-10-14T15:12:19","date_gmt":"2014-10-14T15:12:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/?p=9007"},"modified":"2014-10-14T15:12:19","modified_gmt":"2014-10-14T15:12:19","slug":"purple-penguins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/purple-penguins\/","title":{"rendered":"Purple Penguins"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"keep-calm-and-like-purple-penguins-101414\"<\/p>\n

I was at Willow yesterday at Happy Hour time- big surprise- but I have an excuse. There was actual business to accomplish. <\/p>\n

Old Jim and I have entered into an agreement in which he will review the 1100 pages of the manuscript I printed out a couple months ago that comprise the articles that make up the book about our pal Mac Showers. <\/p>\n

It is time to get on with that, and I trust Jim\u2019s literary sensibilities. He asked me what I thought the book was about, and I said I wasn\u2019t quite sure- but it was about all of us, with Mac as a sort of moral compass in our collective life and times. <\/p>\n

\u201cYou have too much Willow in it,\u201d he growled, taking a sip of Bud from the brown long-neck on the bar in front of him. Jon-without sauntered in a few minutes later, looking cool and elegant as always. He slid onto the stool next to me. <\/p>\n

\u201cHappy Indigenous People\u2019s Day,\u201d he dead-panned. <\/p>\n

\u201cNo shit,\u201d I said. \u201cGo Native Americans!\u201d<\/p>\n

He gave me his slightly lop-sided smile. \u201cWho comes up with this lunacy? I mean, what was wrong with Columbus?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, the good people of Seattle elected a city council that thinks we should celebrate the advanced local cultures that were destroyed by the arrival of the Europeans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did it have to be Columbus Day? Wasn\u2019t that holiday the result of long hard work by the Italian-American community to celebrate their contribution to the American Dream? Weren\u2019t they discriminated against?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe people in Seattle and Berkeley have moved on to higher things,\u201d I said. \u201cI mean, I take their point. We may not have been as bad as the Conquistadors in how we treated the locals but it was an ugly process. I remember the first time I flew into Santo Domingo, where they have the bones of Great Navigator. The Faro a Colon- the giant Columbus Lighthouse- was built by Dominican Republic to commemorate the 500th anniversary of the landing. They thought it was going to be a huge tourist attraction but it didn\u2019t work out that way. The popular view is that the Europeans should have landed in China, where they intended.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat would have solved a lot of problems. But the whole thing is as insulting and ridiculous as the Purple Penguin thing,\u201d said Jon, raising his vodka and lime.<\/p>\n

\"purple<\/p>\n

Jim knitted his brow. \u201cWhat the hell is that? Last Penguin I remember was Burgess Meredith on the TV Batman show.\u201d
\n\u201cIt is more progress, Jim, said Jon, straightening his impeccably knotted bow tie. A public school district in Nebraska has told its teachers to refer to all children as \u201cpurple penguins\u201d in place of gender specific adjectives.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBoys and girls.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that a relative concept now, male and female?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, some of the penguins might want to be other animals, and their wishes have to be respected.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? They are kids, for Christ\u2019s sake. They are supposed to be taught some useful things and we are wasting our time on that? It\u2019s as crazy as the controversy over the name of the Washington professional football team.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople have to be riled up about something,\u201d I said, looking at the diminishing level of Happy Hour white in my glass. \u201cThey need to keep us distracted on crap that means nothing. I mean, this is much more important than barbarous jihadis beheading their was across Iraq, or a couple out-of-control plagues they can\u2019t seem to get their arms around or anything of the other lunacy that is going on.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jim made an accurate demographic suggestion as to what they might call the Washington Football Team which was much more offensive than polite society is able to tolerate any more. <\/p>\n

Jon reached into the pocket of his well-cut suit jacket and produced his smart phone. \u201cI saw some suggestions for the new logo,\u201d he said. \u201cSome of them are pretty good.\u201d He scrolled though his picture gallery and held the phone up so Jim and I could see the images. This first one isn\u2019t accurate, but at least it only offends White Men, who don\u2019t matter:\u201d<\/p>\n

\"caucasians2-101414\"<\/p>\n

\u201cHe looks sort of noble.\u201d I said. \u201cI could get behind that one- celebrate our Caucasian heritage.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jon swiped his finger across the screen and held up the phone to show us another: <\/p>\n

\"Rednecks-101414\"<\/p>\n

\u201cWith this one they can keep some of the tradition and honor the folks downstate.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think there could be a lot of support for that one.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr one that reflects some of the important diversity demographics of the Capital:\u201d<\/p>\n

\"lgbt-101414\"<\/p>\n

\u201cThat one I like. Celebrate diversity!\u201d<\/p>\n

Jon drew his finger across the screen again. \u201cBut the only one that actually makes sense is this one,\u201d he said. \u201cIt reflects the quality of the team, their commitment to excellence and goes well lightly salted and with butter.\u201d <\/p>\n

\"potatoes-101414\"<\/p>\n

\u201cPerfect,\u201d said Jim. <\/p>\n

\u201cWell I\u2019ll be a Purple Penguin,\u201d I said, and drained the glass of wine. Then I wagged a finger at Jasper for more. \u201cAt least you can do something useful with potatoes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Copyright 2014 Vic Socotra
\nwww.vicsocotra.com
\nTwitter: @jayare303<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was at Willow yesterday at Happy Hour time- big surprise- but I have an excuse. There was actual business to accomplish. Old Jim and I have entered into an agreement in which he will review the 1100 pages of the manuscript I printed out a couple months ago that comprise the articles that make […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9007","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daily-socotra"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9007","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9007"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9007\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9015,"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9007\/revisions\/9015"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9007"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9007"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.vicsocotra.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9007"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}