Back to the Future

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I am both exhilarated and appalled at my latest adventure with my brother- the purchase of a 1959 Rambler Custom Cross Country Station Wagon, the lovely old gal in pale pink with white inserts on the fins. This bit of personal and clan history has been something I have been meaning to address for years.

It won’t come as a surprise, but I have to be brutally honest. I am a recovering car guy. I am writing a book about the people who inhabit the strange world of classic and hot rod automobiles. Dad was a car designer, starting as a clay modeler at Ford’s and then at American Motors, rising to be the assistant head of design under the direction of the Head of Styling, Ed Anderson.

Ed was a Navy vet, and when I was a kid, he gave me a Japanese Naval Sword he captured on Guam near the end of the war. We were among the most heavily armed kids on the block, what with the war surplus stuff we collected. Dad would even let us purchase real rifles at the gun shop out in Pontiac, from the $6 barrel, and bayonets from the nice people at Silverstein’s Army-Navy Surplus on McNichols down in Detroit.

Of course we went in the Rambler wagon with the fancy luggage rack on the top. Nice car to drive, after a war, to paraphrase Mr. Bob Dylan’s lyrics from his epic “Talkin’ World War III Blues:”

Well, I seen a Cadillac window uptown
And there was nobody aroun’
I got into the driver’s seat
And I drove down to 42nd Street
In my Cadillac
Good car to drive after a war.

The Rambler thing has always caused me to have a chip on my shoulder around the guys whose fathers contributed to the design of the Caddies or the hot wheels of my youth- the Camaros, GTOs, Chargers and Firebirds- but this eccentric wagon called out to us. Dad actually contributed to the design, which is something fairly special- the “notch” on the roof-line permitted the same tooling to be used for both the wagon and sedan models of the Custom, saving the little company thousands on tooling costs.

A group of otherwise quite sane Rambler enthusiasts in Indiana named their annual summer show after Dad, and I starting going with him during his decline and did presentations in his honor after he died in 2012. I conned my brother into attending the show this year, and he got hooked and did all the research to find this gem of a wagon.

Now I am not completely sure what we are going to do with it, except it looks like it will be coming to live at my farm, at least temporarily. More on that adventure as it occurs, but a wise counselor who owns a brace of classic Packards and a ’65 Mustang he bought new made this recommendation for what is now an impending journey:

“Bring oil, transmission fluid, antifreeze and brake fluid. Stop often and check fluids. Watch temperature gauge. I have driven ancient cars for thousands of miles on the highways and they have (almost) always made it. Biggest problems have been overheating in traffic and resultant vapor lock. If that happens, let the car cool down and start again. That Rambler is a survivor. You will make it!”

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He offered me the loan of his trailer, too, which was too kind, and would be the way to avoid making this into a complete adventure, but I don’t have a truck to pull it. Requirements would include a truck/SUV equipped with an electric trailer brake controller and capable of towing 6000 pounds (car and trailer). Maybe I need a truck, too.

We are definitely going to burn some gas getting the Rambler back up here, though the wagon was advertised as getting 24 MPG when it was new, which is exactly what the Panzer gets on the highway on a good day with a tail wind.

Which got me to thinking about something else. I have not talked about the EPA lately, and it is not because I am not passionate about the things it is up to, but in the context of the automotive industry, they have announced a goal for fuel economy of a Fleet Average of 54.5 MPG.

That is sort of mind-boggling, since according to Professor Michael Sivak of the University of Michigan Transportation Research Institute, “…in the last two decades, fuel economy gained by just 4 percent. Average vehicle fuel economy is down to 25.4 mpg this year, consistent with the increased market share of sport utility vehicles (SUVs).”

Which puts the pink Rambler in the heart of the current market. Considering that there are less than two product cycles until the new mandate comes into effect, I think you can see what is coming. Someone is going to be telling us what we can drive.

Marge Oge, the former director of the EPA’s Office of Transportation and Air Quality, wrote about the scheme in her account of the 2009 mpg negotiations in her book “Driving the Future: Combating Climate Change with Cleaner, Smarter Cars.”

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That may be a worthy goal, you know, saving the children and the planet and all that from a trace gas necessary to life, but according to Margo, the administration wants to use the mpg mandate to force a fundamental change in engine technology, in the same way that federal lighting standards were aimed at eliminating the incandescent light bulb.

Here is the deal: if automakers build alternative-fuel vehicles, the EPA will award credits to soften the mpg mandate.

As a result, automakers are spending billions on electric-vehicle (EV) technologies to game the government rules, even though electric cars are currently charged by juice that comes from coal-fired power plants. There are not going to be a “million electric cars” by 2015.

In fact, there are around 280,000 of them by this year. That stands in contrast to the total number of cars on the roads in the U.S., or a little over 250 million. That makes this market segment, despite the urgency with which the Government is treating it, 0.11% of the cars on the American road.

I think it is like the new light bulbs. I don’t like them, will use them only if that is the only thing I can get, and don’t know how to safely get rid of the more expensive ones when they burn out, filled with toxic materials as they are. If an electric car works for you, and you desire one, I think you should buy one. I am opposed to subsidizing it, since they emphatically do not work for me.

The average age of the car on the road these days is a little over eleven years. That is getting long in the tooth, compared to the ones I knew in my youth. The Rambler wagon has been off the assembly line in Kenosha, Wisconsin, for 56 years.

There is something else about the new mandates. I think there is going to be a significant market for re-built, reliable old-tech automobiles. I fail to have any valid requirements for a gutless, lightweight vehicle that will crumple around us in a crash, or report where you are and have been, that can be hacked, and generally tell you what to do, all while being completely controlled by microprocessors vulnerable to EMP.

Electro-magnetic Pulse is what the acronym means. The threat briefing about it has been around for a long time, since the Cold War. When the nukes detonate they send out ahead of the shock wave a millisecond burst of energy that fries delicate electronic circuits. I am not particularly paranoid, but an organization as progressive as the American Federation of Scientists notes that: “The first recorded EMP incident accompanied a high-altitude nuclear test over the South Pacific, and resulted in power system failures as far away as Hawaii. A large device detonated at 240-300 miles above Kansas would affect all of the continental United States, since the EMP event extends to the visual horizon as seen from the burst point.”

That is depressing, since whatever you think of the Iranian nuclear deal, it doesn’t seem to get us into the intrusive inspection regime I would like to see, and plops $150 billion into the Iranian treasury. The Russians, on their heels with $45 dollar a gallon oil prices, are salivating at the prospect of selling them rockets. Not to mention our erratic pals in Pyongyang.

I used to be in the nuclear weapons business, at least in the targeting and command and control end of things, and I appreciate not having to deal with them on a day-to-day basis. But based on experience, I do not think of them as theoretical things. I know they are real and I have a suspicion that we are closer to seeing them used than we once were.

So, really, there is another cool feature about the Rambler Custom wagon: it might actually work should the worst happen. What an unusual sales feature, though I have tried to think this through before. I looked up the vehicles on the road that would have a decent shot at operating after an EMP event:

1. Pre-1985 Toyota Hilux 4×4

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These are tough little trucks. If you can find a 4×4 with the solid front axle and a carbureted 22R motor, you have a good starting point.

2. Sand Rail or Dune Buggy

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The simpler the motor the better, but with larger motors, long wheel travel and skid braking, they will either age you or make you younger. If you like to tinker and weld, they can be a great hobby. Hey, if they are good enough for the SEALs …

3. Pre-1980’s American-made Trucks and SUVs

Ford, Chevy, Dodge, these older US-made trucks are very common and are great candidates for a post EMP ride.

Other noteworthy options to consider for the brief period of interregnum include:

Older Toyota Landcruisers

Pre-1980’s International Scouts

Pre-1980’s Jeep, Cherokee & Cherokee Chiefs

Pre- 1980’s Land Rovers

Volkswagen Bug and Buses

Naturally, if you want to ride in style after the EMP event, the 1959 Rambler Classic is definitely the go-to vehicle for me.

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Copyright 2015 Vic Socotra

www.vicsocotra.com

Twitter: @jayare303

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